I am writing a book because I know that God wants me to share my story; it’s become pretty obvious: stuff happened to me that made me who I am; I’ve overcome the vast majority of the insult and injury by God’s grace and infinite love; and it just so happens I know how to write. Why am I here, God? Can’t you tell, Tina? Do what you were created to do.
Not surprising though, there’s an unexpected benefit I have found through the process of writing this memoir. God works in multi-faceted ways. The insight I have gained about what happened to me as I go back with a proverbial fine-toothed comb to examine it all has enriched me and taken me to new levels of peace with who I am: all of me.
You think you know what happened and how you feel about it, but until you go back with the wisdom you have now and look at it again, you are likely missing some amazing insights and perspective. I am blaming myself less and less as I see things through my adult eyes, but I am also blaming others less as I see that people behave the way they do because of their own unresolved trauma. That in no way excuses the abuse I suffered, but it does undam a wide river of forgiveness and compassion that refreshes my heart and reenergizes my hands and feet to serve others.
I am opening up treasures of understanding that were not available to me in my younger years whenever I thought about my history. Many formerly missing keys to locked up places in my memory are now re-appearing to give me a more complete picture. It’s fascinating. Not an easy process – it feels scary and repulsive and unclean sometimes, but also enriching and enlightening and deeply satisfying.