If I told you that in order to be as effective and productive and purposeful in your life as you possible can, you would have to take responsibility for everything that has happened to you, would that strike you as unfair?

It seemed unfair to me when I was first presented with the idea.

I’d already overcome a lifelong belief that everything that happened to me was my fault. I was in a new place of understanding that mostly I’d been a victim and my actions were just me trying to survive in the only way I knew how.

I was insulted when my therapist said that now, in order to continue on my journey to wholeness, I would need to accept responsibility for my life. I thought we determined that it wasn’t my fault?

Turns out there’s a difference between fault and responsibility. Fault means I caused something bad to happen. Responsibility means I do what it takes to make things better. I let go of the first; I embrace the second, because grownups take responsibility for things.

Taking responsibility gives me the power to bring change and growth and healing to my life. Not taking responsibility leaves me in the victim seat, unable to get better because I am still pointing fingers at everyone else.

My mother did it to me. My father. God is punishing me. The schoolkids were cruel. I was raised by wolves. I can’t help it because that’s just the way I am…… I suck, I am stupid.

Those are all lies. If you want to reach new places, you have to say: The buck stops here. You have to take the reins of your life and steer it where you want to go. You have to begin taking every thought captive; you have to change the way you think.

Your thoughts and your words become your destiny. God made everything with his words and thoughts. We make everything in our lives with our words and thoughts. You and I, we are powerful. We are more powerful than we realize, and the well of this power is thoughts and the words that thoughts become.

Do you want to destroy your life with your thoughts and words or do you want to renew your mind?

With my words I take responsibility for my life and I say “now it will be different.” I don’t let the old tapes of negativity and blame and shame have a say anymore. Every time they try to bombard me with those ingrained messages, I stop them. I say NO.

It takes a lot of energy at first and it feels uncomfortable. But as I have experienced the release and the relief of reprogramming my mind, it has become easier. I have become more positively powerful, stronger, effective, and peaceful.

You must take responsibility for everything in your life, past and present and future, and positively shape your life with your words and thoughts. Where you are right now: it may or may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility.

My hope and prayer for you is that you will reorder your thoughts and in so doing, reshape your life.

Written by Tina Gasperson


Jim Grey

I learned this as something called The Existential Paradox:

We are not responsible for how we came to be who we are as adults, but as adults we are responsible for whom we have become and for everything we say and do.

Just like you said: it isn’t your fault how you came to be who you are, but only you can change it, and so you must take responsibility for that.


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