The memoir has a brand new working title. For some reason over the last few days I’ve really felt a push to select a title for the book. It needed a name, as though it were a baby almost ready to be expelled from the womb. When I first started writing I thought I knew the title already, but the memoir developed its own personality and the original thought didn’t fit anymore. It’s too bad because I am infatuated with that original one word title: Ungovernable.
Ungovernable is the word that my mother used to describe me when she was attempting to extricate herself from having to take responsibility for me as my parent when I was 16. Doesn’t that sound like a great title? Can’t you imagine the book cover? And the domain name is even available. But I finally had to admit that the word doesn’t carry through for me; it’s not really what the story is becoming.
So I have chosen a new tentative title: You Loved Me. It represents my discovery later in life that, contrary to my legitimate belief that I was unwanted, unworthy, and unloved, I’ve always been loved and wanted and appreciated by God. The title is my way of expressing that realization: you loved me. He loved me all along and walked with me through every part of my journey even though I didn’t realize it; even when I thought I was alone. It was all a matter of perspective. When I was looking at life through the lens of my pain, I couldn’t see him. But when I changed the way I looked, I was able to see him there with me at every turn.
OK, so don’t hold me to that title. It’s a working title. Granted, it sounds right to me at this point. But I’m only about half way through my first draft, so things could change. The memoir is still revealing little by little what it wants to be.