We are fine, and we are going to be fine.
I’m up in the middle of the night, thinking about recent developments. The most shocking bit to me is not the brute force criminality taking place in every level of our government, media, and technology. It’s wrong and infuriating, but not shocking.
The thing that drops my jaw is the other half of society looking at us as the enemy. I am shocked by the realization that there is an alternate reality and they’re living in it.
The powers that be outside of the presidential administration have succeeded in luring half of the population into a web of falsehoods, spinning up a narrative that is so deeply entrenched no amount of explaining, begging, or cajoling could convince our fellow citizens even to consider that the story might not be what they know it to be, or even just that there could be more than one way of looking at things.
I’m not going to rehash the timeline of everything because if you get me, you already know what it is and what we are facing and the massive gaslighting that is happening to us and to our republic.
I hate the injustice of being unfairly judged. Being misunderstood by others with no chance to be heard touches a pain point in me that has its roots in parental rejection. People who are supposed to be my extended family have been horrible to me after discovering that I am on the other side regarding our political and pandemic scene.
I don’t think it would matter if I had the chance to explain myself – they just would not be capable of getting it. That’s how deep this deception goes.
I am blessed to be at a point in my emotional healing that I can view all that for what it is – a spiritual darkness that is on them and does not in any way reflect on my personal integrity or worth.
And I don’t believe it diminishes their personal integrity or worth by recognizing there is a spiritual darkness there that is causing a blindness. For years I have seen the darkness but I never let it stop me from reaching out to them in love and affection with a desire to pursue a relationship.
Eh, this sounds tinged with self-pity and maybe it is. But I’m not going to wallow in it.
Going forward, we are fine and we are going to be fine. This could all blow over, or it could blow up, or something in between. No matter. Today, right now, I am grateful for so much.
I have a loving nuclear family. I am deeply loved and valued and I feel my worth in the relationships we have with each other: my husband and my adult children and their families.
My home, with a roof over my head and everything I need.
Wholeness. For the first time in my life I am at a place of loving myself. I feel settled.
What has worked up to now is tackling a challenge when I come to it. There’s no reason to believe that strategy will not continue to serve me best as time goes on.
To me that means not wasting precious time worrying about what might be. Instead, I take a page from the recovery community and simply “do the next right thing”, whatever that is today.
What can I best do to care for myself and serve the people God put in my life? Not in some dark fantasy-fueled vision of disaster to come, but right now?
I am sheltered by the hand of God, safe under his wing. My only task is to just be, to be still in my spirit, and rest in the knowledge I am loved.
Jesus said come, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. He said, learn from me and you will find rest for your soul. He said, I leave you peace, not as the world gives, but an amazing peace that passes understanding.
That same rest and peace is available to all who seek it, in any circumstance. It is such an overabundance it almost feels too much – my cup runs over with rest and peace even in the middle of this storm.
He’s got plenty for you, what are you waiting for?
