As the sun is rising this morning, I’m aware that it’s going to be a very hot day here in Tampa. Our summer has come upon us full force, shoving spring out of the picture months before she was due to leave. Of all the seasons, summer in Florida knows no subtlety. It is full force, full on, no holds barred hot and humid. The time for planting has passed; my procrastination means that it is too late to sow those flower seeds I’d wanted to put in the front bed. The searing morning sun would wither the sprouts before they had a chance to gain a foothold.
I’m grateful for air conditioning that keeps me insulated from the withering heat, whether I’m indoors or driving.
I’m grateful that worrying about whether I have AC or not is one of the forefront problems in my mind; it means that my life is pretty good compared to billions of other people who are living or have lived at any point in time throughout the history of earth. The intricacies of indoor climate control are not that important compared to avoiding bubonic plague or, say, the consequences of frivolous but deadly edicts of your average communist dictator.
Still, sometimes I wake up with a heavy weight of care for the paltry predicaments being born by people I care about (or even myself). Sometimes it feels like too much – disastrous. I seem to be an erstwhile empath, unconsciously inserting myself into the roiling and tempestuous emotional upheaval of those around me. Or at least what I imagine must be the awful state of their minds….
It’s true, things are not going as well as I would like for some people I love. To be honest, it feels like impending doom, especially in the middle of the night. And this gaping maw of imagined tragedy threatens to pull my life down into it as well, just by association, like a growing sinkhole that consumes house after house in some unfortunate neighborhood built on dried up aquifers. It’s not fair that the actions of someone else could have that much impact on my personal journey. But here we are.
I find myself snipping the emotional threads of connection as a form of self-defense. Just like withdrawing from social media and the 24 hour news cycle has lifted me up, disconnecting from the woes of my family has given me space to breathe deeply and let go of mental tension. Everyone makes his own choices and I will make mine, separately. Today, I will go out into the heat for a walk, and then I’ll come inside my house to take advantage of that wonderful air conditioned air. I may even take a nap with the ceiling fan on.
