Untitled Prayer

shame breaks you, but finding your true purpose makes you whole again

maybe you were broken very early in life and you don’t even know what it means to be whole

or maybe your shame happened as an adult and you want to get back to innocence

you remember it

either way, the antidote to toxic shame is the affirmation that comes with purpose

when you find your own way to change your world

something that only you can do to make a real difference

and sometimes that thing is very small

but it is like the hottest flame

it purifies

it causes new growth

not only for those you help

but for you too

like for me

I discovered that motherhood was redeeming me

I was focused on all the wrong things over the decades

things I thought would validate me


being accepted

trying to get fame in different ways

fantasizing about my own glory

sure that if I just told people my brilliant theories they would fall in place

and I would be made whole

but this doesn’t work

first of all I am not perfect and won’t be

I am very flawed

I make awkward mistakes

I do things that tend to increase my unreasonable shame

there’s a sick part of me that enjoys tipping that lever

I can’t think of any other explanation as to why it happens

but in the small project of motherhood

I apologize, ask for forgiveness, and continue on

my mistakes actually become part of the lesson

my children can learn from me

in my transparency

they see me fall

and get back up again and love myself

oh God make it so

change me

I open my doors to you

blow through like a breeze of autumn

rabble scrabble up the dust

and take it out

make me clean

you have already

I am clean

make me like you

it is a process

it is happening

be confident in that

and keep going

Photo by Ksenia Makagonova on Unsplash

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