shame breaks you, but finding your true purpose makes you whole again
maybe you were broken very early in life and you don’t even know what it means to be whole
or maybe your shame happened as an adult and you want to get back to innocence
you remember it
either way, the antidote to toxic shame is the affirmation that comes with purpose
when you find your own way to change your world
something that only you can do to make a real difference
and sometimes that thing is very small
but it is like the hottest flame
it purifies
it causes new growth
not only for those you help
but for you too
like for me
I discovered that motherhood was redeeming me
I was focused on all the wrong things over the decades
things I thought would validate me
sex
being accepted
trying to get fame in different ways
fantasizing about my own glory
sure that if I just told people my brilliant theories they would fall in place
and I would be made whole
but this doesn’t work
first of all I am not perfect and won’t be
I am very flawed
I make awkward mistakes
I do things that tend to increase my unreasonable shame
there’s a sick part of me that enjoys tipping that lever
I can’t think of any other explanation as to why it happens
but in the small project of motherhood
I apologize, ask for forgiveness, and continue on
my mistakes actually become part of the lesson
my children can learn from me
in my transparency
they see me fall
and get back up again and love myself
oh God make it so
change me
I open my doors to you
blow through like a breeze of autumn
rabble scrabble up the dust
and take it out
make me clean
you have already
I am clean
make me like you
it is a process
it is happening
be confident in that
and keep going
Photo by Ksenia Makagonova on Unsplash
