Marching to Bastogne

how do I write how I am feeling without dragging myself down

it takes a lot of energy to do battle every day against these demons

and it seems that when I am holding the line in one place

another place remains undefended and falls to the enemy

pray that it is only temporary


this is my battle of the bulge

there is my Bastogne and I am Patton

where are my reinforcements Sir

where are my four days of good weather

and are You even on my side

waking to artillery fire every morning

which team though

I feel I’ve been taking friendly fire

and that’s not doing myself any favors


but can we get a break here?

oh you mean like the prisoners at Auschwitz got a break

ok I get it

life is not about breaks

life is about skipping through minefields laughing

some of us get lucky and miss the charges

or just nudge it a little

lose a leg

but not your life

die quickly instead of one agonizing crust of bread at a time

but we all end up the same

so what does this life mean

why do we fear losing it so very much

so very much that we will betray our closest love to keep it

so much that we will trade liberty to keep life in a cage

why Sir


why am I like this

I need to find the freedom that comes with being unafraid to die

to be able to say no, I won’t

not to just imagine it

but to walk right up to the bloke and point my finger in his face and say kill me

because I am not following your orders

I am not dancing to your conformity

I do what I like

I know in my heart that is what you want for us Sir


is this storm to teach us that

just like Evey learned

betrayed by her V

he tortured her so that she would come to that brink

point her finger in death’s face

and survive

and be stronger and freer

it could very well be


my world is kind of cloudy today

befitting of the grey skies that I see

my music is in a minor key

beautiful but sad


full of loss

and wondering

and accepting that so many questions do not have answers

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